I have found that there are rules to be followed and even a specific hierarchy even among the brides within the family, which is determined by many factors one of these being how long one has been married; thus giving umakoti that has been married longer superiority over a recently married umakoti., this is regardless of the wife’s age.
As part of being umakoti, you are in some ways treated as a new born, in the sense that when you become a new member of the family and are welcomed into the family, you are given a new name and brand new clothes. As you are no longer a girl but a wife, you are then given instructions by the family on how to conduct yourself within the family and depending how strict the family is, you are given instructions on how to conduct yourself outside the family, this is called ukuyala.
Once this process has been conducted, according to tradition, you are to no longer to be referred to as your birth name, but you may however be called your clan name, and the new wife is to no longer refer to her husband by name especially in front of others, she is to call him bhuti or Tata ka so-and-so (so and so father, the name of the their first born child). He on the other hand may call you by name; however the name his family has given you. There is so much more involved in the making of umakoti, however for purposes of this report, when I refer to umakoti unless stated, I am referring to someone who has been married for 15 years or less, as a wife who is married longer is regarded as umfazi.
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